BUYING PROPS

SETTING: A theatrical supply store. A projection reads “Buying Props”. A sales counter splits center. Stage right is cluttered with theatrical supplies.

AT RISE: SALESPERSON is sitting on a stool stage right of the sales counter. HE/SHE looks bored. CHOREOGRAPHER enters stage left and crosses to counter.


CHOREOGRAPHER
I need a hotdog.

SALESPERSON
Any particular specs on that hotdog?

CHOREOGRAPHER
No, well, yeah, it needs to be funny.

SALESPERSON
Funny?

CHOREOGRAPHER
You know how a real hotdog is just... funny? A lot of times I’ve seen stage hotdogs that just aren’t funny. You know what I mean? I need a stage hotdog that’s funny.

SALESPERSON
Well, let’s see what we got.
(hands CHOREOGRAPHER a rigid plastic hotdog)
This here’s your basic stage hotdog.

CHOREOGRAPHER
(examines hotdog, holding it up at various angles and tapping it against his/her own head.)
No, it’s just not funny. Here, see?
(taps hotdog against SALESPERSON’s forehead.)
See? It’s just not funny.

SALESPERSON
Well...
(digs through shelves)
we’ve also got a few of these.
(hands CHOREOGRAPHER a rubber hotdog)

CHOREOGRAPHER
(examines hotdog, again holding it up at various angles and tapping it against his/her own head, but this time seeming much more pleased)
There! Now that’s a funny hotdog! You see that?
(taps hotdog against SALESPERSON’s forehead.)
See how funny that is?
(waves it in the air some more and begins cracking himself up)
I can’t even look at it without laughing. Oh man, rap that thing up for me before I bust a gut.
(SALESPERSON wraps hotdog in ordinary packaging material. CHOREOGRAPHER is laughing hysterically by this point.)
I hope I’m safe to drive with this thing in the car.

(CHOREOGRAPHER exits stage left.)


END OF “BUYING PROPS”